A month thoughts...

Friday, February 25, 2005

Got back my term test paper. Guess what, currently out of 5 papers i received back, i failed fours of my modules. What the hell am i doing that period of time? Maybe because of that i don't have the mood to study ba. Just though of failing ba. Well really demoralising when got back my result. 23,34,40 and 48. First time in my life to fail so many modules in poly. Break my record man~

Well it being a month we broke off. Well this month i have thought alot. To give up or not to. Or wait. After some serious thought. I think maybe we don;t mend to be together after all. Why wanna cling on to something which will lead to no way?

I have decided to let it go. Carry on with my life. May it be alone. I still can fight on strongly. I am back to who i am, believe in every action and decision i made. Thank friend whose being around me supporting me and encouraging me when i am down this period of time.

Dedicate to : Wee Siang, Sui Kae Ling, Celine Tay, Jun Wei, Hidayat.

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Friday, February 25, 2005|
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My Thoghts, my heart

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Many people said to me, why don't i give up and look for another one. Well....say is easy but to do it it's hard. They not me, they don't know how i felt i think. My heart till now still beating with her. Not a single change... People said i stupid, i just keep quiet.. people said it her fault for my stage right now. I said no, it my fault. Don't ask me why i still defend her. I don't know. Just follow my heartbeat as advice by my friend( Potato) ba. She said, even you may said give up now. What if your heart still for her and don't give like giving up? how? isn't it like deceiving yourself? Maybe true ba.

Today saw each other again. Wanted to talk to her. But i don't know where all my guts go to. I just act as if i see nothing and talk to other people. Sad to said now are we still friend i have no idea at all. Don;'t dare to think anymore. If i have a wish i wish for two things. One which is impossible, which is to win her back which i belive can take place only in my dream. Second, will be hope i just met with an accident and lost all my memory. Maybe that the best thing ba. I'm out of options ready. I don't know how long i take it. I think i going to collapse anytime anywhere. I not sure when but i know it be here soon.

At time i dare not sleep early unless i tired. I scare my tears will just flows out for no reason. Days has being crying to sleep unless i'm tired. I don't know why. Why can't i control my emotion.? Am i a guy? or purly a idiot a born failure in this world. I don't know...........

My wishes right now is really hope i and her be at least friend. I don't ask for much..........

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Sunday, February 13, 2005|
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09/02/05

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Today is the first day of lunar new year. Not muct festive feeling for me. To me just like a normal day to me.

Everything went on smooth for me. Quite enjoying and yet i'm quite nasty and attitude to some of my relative. They said me one thing, i shoot them with ten times of them, make sure they keep their mouth shut. Everything went on smooth till during having dinner with the whole family, a auntie of my asked, do i have a gf.

My mood changed immediately. I answered in my heart. Yes i did have a very good gf at first. but i failed to cherish her. I lost her during my birthday. I'm just a born failure ba" that what i said to myself. I just told her that i just broke up with my gf. My aunt said, old don't go new one will not arrive. I immediately get heat up. Who i still like i know. It not that one gone time to look for another one. said is easy to do it is hard....

As a result of that, i start to think, for the whole of 2 hrs. Moodless. WAnted to cried but can't. Don't wanna let them know i'm not ok. Why am i that useless? why can't i forget her.... haiz...

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Thursday, February 10, 2005|
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CNY?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Well... it's CNY. So i hereby wishes everyone a happy New Year. But to me right now right here typing i have something to say and that is i totally don't have the new year mood!! i have no idea why too. Maybe of some reason which i don't really wish to mention ba.... Just knowing that today 09/02/05 will be my attitude day. Which mean don't give a damn of whose around me. Do what i think is right.

Today went out with my friend or so called "Brother" to kovan. Meet at 1130pm. Well as usual. Sure there will be one of us be late. So while waiting, i and one of my friend. Jun Wei, we went to arcade to play first. While i was driving my Datona, my friend called me, telling me that he had reached. Wah.... sabo me... caused my car to lose control and bang against the wall. Upset man. My record gone loh.

After his arrival, we went to bowl. First round 1 part, all three of us play like shit. Gradually improve and start to hit all the pins at one go. Wow~ my skill improve leh...haha

Well but too bad we came out quite late. So near 2am, we head home and now i am here typing. OMG!. NEar 4 and not sleeping. ha don't intend to sleep ba. K go fix my Gundam.

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Wednesday, February 09, 2005|
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Monday, February 07, 2005

Ever since i work in metro for months. This is the first time that i can close my counter near 10.15pm. Lots of customers today. Keep clearing the que none stop. One after another. Just never end.

Today also thought alot. Can said this the first time i really love a person so deep ba. Well it true that i had decided to give up on her. But still i find that it hard for me to look for another one from what my fellow friend of metro said. My heart seems to be still with her. Haiz... Why god must do this to me. This kind of Chi Qin feeling is damn sickening. Can someone just tell me what to do. Before i go and bang against the wall to lose my memory which is the best.

People may thought i take this break up as nothing to me. Can still see me smile and laugh with you all. Well it is just that you all didn't really look into my heart ba. Can't expect me to show my sorrow out when work. When i don't wanna many people to know. Up to this stage. Looks like i don't have to act anymore. Sad jiu show loh.... Since one "LOUD Speaker" in metro had said it out.

- i can feel my heart in motion, deep in my heart and passion, life is strong and are we loving, travel in the surface of time....... -

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Monday, February 07, 2005|
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010205

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Yesterday paper01/02/05 terrible. My worst defeat man. Should i said the worst day from the start of morning? Wake up late. Can't have a round of final revision cham! worst! no 74 to service me to school End by 15 minutes for my paper! OH my God! Most exciting part, out of 7 questions i think i manage 3 to four and one i answer the wrong part. Pengz! Just hope for the best ya. Haha Sway of the swayZ

Today make up my mind. I decide not to give up thou there are some friend around me who advice me to give up on her as they said it is too long for me and if by that time the result i get not what i expected i may not be able to take it. But i ask myself. If i listen to them and give up, isn;t it the same as betraying my heart and follow others. Since my heart said wait then wait. I know what i'm doing.

I know my heart still beating for her. I know i still love her and still fighting for her and since i know that most of the problem is due to me. Why i should sit there and do nothing. I should stand up and think of a solution and win her back and not sitting here and do nothing waiting for what? Moon to fall on my head to die ah? I can't! i have to do something le. I have to. I don't want this relationship just like that come to an end.

Ok la...that all ba got to go koonz. Getting more and more tired recently. Think i going down sooner or later.

-Sign off-

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{Wednesday, February 02, 2005|
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